Wow, life is tough…I know in my last post I said I’ve been going through a tough patch in life, but gosh, I’ve really been struggling since my trip to Africa.
While I was in Nigeria my life was flipped upside down. And that is an understatement! I went to Africa to tell the Nigerians that God loved them. And as it turned out, I didn’t even know that myself.
I was in my room one day (in Nigeria) searching my bible for something that said God loved me. Well, I ran into a scripture in the sixth chapter of Genesis. It was right before God was going to flood the earth and He said He was sorry He ever created man. I was angry! I was so angry at God and asked why the heck He even created us then… Why would God have created us when He knew how everything was going to turn out? And knew He was going to be sorry He created us?
…I didn’t get an answer…
I’ve been trying to figure out how God –the King of the universe could be Love when there is so much hurt in the world.... The kids at the orphanage in Nigeria, the ladies working the gravel pit or even a broken heart… How could God see that and not do anything about it?
…I don’t want to have my own children because I believe it is greater love for my unborn children (if that makes any since) that they are not brought into the world at all. (I'm not talking about abortion, I'm talking about not having kids at all.) I would never wish the pain of this world on anyone! (This is simply my own personal opinion that is liable to change next year or even tomorrow, because it seems I’m capable of changing my mind about everything more than the average person.)
So, how can God, being Love, send us to the world to deal with this pain? And how could a loving God send people to hell?
Well, I read awhile back in a book titled “A Time to Dance” that going to hell is our/my choice. God does not send people to hell. We make the decision for ourselves of where we go when we die and God simply just honors our choice… He didn’t make us robots, but actually loved us enough to give us a choice to follow Him or not.
We are given a free gift of eternal life with Christ (that we certainly don’t deserve). But it’s our choice whether we take it our not. God loves us so much that He gave us a choice!
I don’t have the answers to my questions above (so any input would help me so much!), but I do know that there are MANY people I love dearly. And I ask myself, “how do they know I love them?” Besides the fact that I have told them, do they have proof of my love? Or is it simply just believing? Is it just trusting even?
How do I know that Debi, Amanda, Rebekah or even my family love me? And I guess I know because they say they do and I trust them. Because we have a relationship and I can see it in their actions that they care…
So if that’s the case, than why would I not believe God when He says He loves me? (Ephesians 2:4-5, Ephesians 3:17-19, 1 John 4:10 & 16, Romans 5: 5-8, Jeremiah 31:3, 2 Thessalonians 2: 15-17 and the list continues.) Especially when He is unable to lie and actually sent his Son to die in the place of MY sins. Is there a greater love? ...I haven't heard of any.
So, I guess that's where the faith thing comes in. I know God loves me because it's evident in my life. But I wanted to be able to explain how I knew God loved me, to be able write it all out in some sort of a formula or something. But as I hear it's like trying to explain how God IS, always WAS and always will BE. And I won't even go there.
It seems like I would have had these questions figured out by now. But I guess it took being in Nigeria with nothing but God to realize that I really knew nothing about Him for myself, but only what I had been told.
8 comments:
Hey Danette,
I almost want to write this in a email and not for every one to see but here goes. If it is clique just erase it after you chew and spit it out.
I don't always understand that God loves me. I mean I feel like a screw up every single day of my life and think how on earth could God love me. A person that is unfaithful a person that is full of herself a person that doesn't love unconditionally and my list goes on of my faults that God sees and knows even before I could ever see them.
SO this part makes me feel better bare with me while I share some of the obvious.
First: GOd loved the WORLD (you and I are part of that world) that He sent his only begotten Son that who so ever believes in HIm shall not parish but have ever lasting life. God did not send his son to condemn the world but to save it.
You know before Jesus it was really hard to follow God and all those rules and all those sacrifices. Really think about it. It wasn't easy having a relationship with God and being clean in his eyes.
and God being just had to punish us for our sins and had to do what is right or He wouldn't be the righteous and just God he truly is correct.
WEll since that was all true and that GOd is love and does love us so much he wanted to make it easier to be with him for All eternity. He wanted to help us and have a closer relationship to us. And his son was the way he chose. Jesus made it easier for us to be closer to the father. By shedding his blood and by him taking on our sins we are now able to be closer to Abba our God.
Now think about the one person you would give up your life for. My guess for you is Joey. What if some one came in and wanted to harm Joey. WOuldn't you do everything in your power to protect him and care for you. Or what if He was hungry and didn't have any food wouldn't that make your heart break.
Now put those feelings you have for Joey and think about how much God loves Jesus (his one and only son) He loves Jesus so much. I mean so much. We think all the time about how GOd loves us or how Jesus loves us or how the Holy Spirit loves us but GOd loves Jesus so much. More than we could ever think. And he was willing to let his son be brutally murdered for our sake to be closer to us.
I can't even imagine. I would never want to see Joel on a cross being in pain that much. I am blown away. Even if it were for my own good I couldn't stand seeing Joel hurt like that.
Also another thought God sent his Holy SPirit to help us, enable us to do his will and more. God wanted to help us that much more and send His Spirit to teach us all things and to always point back to God.
IN the old testament when they laid their hands on the sacrifice it represented their sin being transferred to the offering. SO their sin was gone but it wouldn't help them the next time not to sin. Well Jesus was the perfect sacrifice and the Holy Spirit enables us to Follow God.
Another example of God's love.
I am not trying to preach to you at all my sweet sister. These are the things that GOd has shown me How much he Loves me. It has helped me so much.
Second: God never says there won't be pain and suffering He only promises He will be there with us. Even in the pain and the hurt and the millions of children without parents or women on the road hurting and hungry God is still there and wants to be in their life.
I know that sounds clique but it is so true. I don't have all the answers and I may not be right but I know that God does care and He is always there to give us his peace and Joy even when it doesn't make sense.
I love you my sister. Keep asking questions keep searching. God can handle it. And He does love you along with the rest of the world!!!
Dess!
You are such an incredible woman/friend! I know you're dealing with things yourself, but then to take your precious time and stop to help me in my struggles touches my heart...
In all the time I've lived, I never once really thought about Jesus dieing being painful for God. But when you made the example about Joey it shed a new light on the whole subject... Thank you so much! What you've written is very helpful! I love you girl!
hey My Friend,
I love you so much. It is so funny that this whole conversation of God loving Jesus because I just read those exact words in my bible today.
Mark1:11 When Jesus was baptized and the Spirit came down from heaven and then God the Father spoke and this is what he said "You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."
Isn't that crazy. GOd is so awesome. I am struggling and I some times can't even think how awesome He is at this time but when I truly talk about Him with you or I sit with him and Just be in his presents I know He is good and He does have something for JOel and I. I am really struggling with well if you love me then why aren't you telling us where to serve next. We WANT to be in your WILL WE WANT to serve you then tell us where. SO Thank you for helping me remember GOd loves me and HE is still there.
I love you my friend. We can STRUGGLE TOGETHER!!!
Dessy! I'm so glad we can struggle together! Thanks so much for all your help! Love you!
And Juli, I've actually read "The Shack", while I was in Africa in fact. It was a very good book and did help as I recall. My dad actually has it so I'll read it again while I'm "home". Thanks so much! Love you girly!
Hi Danette....I think you are in a great place in your walk. What the Lord loves the most is relationship with us and in that relationship being honest with ourselves and God about what we know of our own heart. The Lord loves playing hide and seek, it is one of His favorite games. When you are in a time of many questions and great seeking or desperation as you seek the Lord with all of it, and wanting His answers, He cannot help Himself but to answer you. Sometimes He waits until our questions or seeking or desperation becomes "ripe" so that when He answers we will be ready to understand. And in the waiting, He is preparing us to understand His answers. Just keep seeking, asking, knocking. He rewards those who diligently seek Him. As humans, we need to be "worn out" a time or two so we can hear when He speaks. At least this is what I have found in my own life. He is always, always faithful!!! He promises to never leave you or forsake you, and the rewards for waiting in the Lord are absolutely incredible because our rewards are Himself and a deeper revelation of Jesus Christ and His intense love for us as an individual. Keep keep seeking....you most certainly will find. love you, paula leffert
Paula,
Thanks you so very much! I love you!
Danette
Hey Danette!
I just got your email yesterday...we just enabled a "crew computer" and I happened upon your blog. I am so excited for you! You have found sooo many answers already. And, yes, faith is the answer. Just believe. He IS goodness in its holiest form. I think you're doing all right and I am so blessed just to even have met you, my sister.
On another note, I read about your loss. My prayers are with you and your family. May God bless you.
Love,
jo
Jo!
So good to hear from you! You are such a blessing! I don't know what I would have done had you not been in Lake Charles while I was there. You helped me more than you will ever know!
Thanks so much for your prays.
I'm assuming you're in Galveston with the rest of the crew and I hope you're having a great time.
*Love You! *Hugs!
Danette
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